The dictionary definition of self esteem is: a favorable opinion of ones self. The dictionary definition of self confidence is: confidence in ones own judgment, ability, power, sometimes to an excessive degree.
Although the two are different, they are meant to work in tandem. If you look in a mirror and hate the person you see, then your self esteem and self confidence is quite low. That is what you should be working on. If you don’t like and believe in yourself, how can you expect others to do so???
Sow a thought and you reap an act. Sow an act and you reap a habit. Sow a habit and you reap a character. Sow a character and you reap a destiny. (*Ralph Waldo Emerson)
Habits are merely the constant repetition of the same thing so that your brain knows how to do it automatically. Breathing, heart pumping, brain giving instructions to different parts of your body. These are all automatic functions and operate on a purely subconscious level. However, there are plenty of things that we can learn to do and keep doing until they form a habit. It is said that if you use your brain to play solitaire, scrabble, do crosswords or other such brain activities, you are creating more neural pathways and can slow down or stop the possible onset of Alzheimers disease. So why not use your brain for all that you can. Man only uses approximately 10% of his brain normally anyway. In the case of genuine geniuses, this is a higher figure.
So, why not retrain your neural pathways to boost self confidence and self esteem so that these qualities also become an automatic reaction. Of course it takes time if you are low in these areas, but all good things take time.
The way self esteem works is called the Self Esteem Bank. You own your own bank account and only you can allow deposits or withdrawals. For example if someone pays you a compliment, naturally you will let that deposit occur. The same if you pay yourself a compliment. However if someone puts you down, or heaven forbid, you should put yourself down, then you have the choice of allowing that withdrawal or not. It is easier to disallow a putdown from someone else than it is to do so from yourself. So you have to be your own security guard and protect yourself. Make this also a habit so your brain creates yet another neural pathway and accepting compliments and rejecting putdowns almost becomes yet another automatic subconscious feature of your mind.
There are 3 vital points to remember about self esteem.
First you have to like yourself before anybody else will.
Secondly, who really cares what others think about you. It is your opinion of yourself that truly matters.
Finally you can fool some of the people some of the time, but in the end you can’t fool yourself.
Self confidence and self esteem are the keys to life.
Success
If you think you’re beaten, you are. If you think you dare not, you don’t. If you like to win but think you can’t, it’s almost a cinch you won’t. If you think you’re lost, you lose, for out in the world we find, Success begins with a person’s will. It’s all in the state of mind. If you think you’re outclassed, you are, you’ve got to think high to rise. You’ve got to be sure of yourself before you can ever win a prize. Life’s battles don’t always go to the stronger or faster man. But sooner or later the one who wins is the one who thinks he can. (*Paul Hanna)
The only ceiling in life is the one you give it. When you are born, you have no limitations. As you grow, you become influenced by family, friends, school, university and workmates. You can choose to be a winner or a loser. You can become as successful as you want and a part of this is choosing who to associate with. For example if you associate with drug users and the criminal element, chances are that’s the sort of person you will become. BUT, if you mix with successful, hard-working people in any industry, you are bound to make a success of yourself if you truly believe that you can!
If you go to a party or a club, or even at work, you often notice that when a particular person enters the room, it seems that all eyes are drawn to them. That is because they have a high level of self confidence and self esteem and believe in themselves totally. That causes them to radiate that belief outwards and attract attention. A lot of high powered salespeople have this as a natural part of their persona. Some prime ministers. presidents and other public figures are the same. same. Anthony Robbins is one prime example of a motivational speaker who draws you in because of his boundless energy and radiating sense of self worth. If you go to a place of religious worship, you may find the priest/reverend/rabbi, also possesses this powerful sense of self, and that is through total belief and commitment to a cause. In their case it is religion.
Posture and the way people walk, sit, stand and even talk can be analysed to see how different things can be with simple body and mind modification techniques.
DON’T EVER FORGET.
A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 note. In a room of 200 people, he asked who would like the $20 note. Hands started going up naturally. He said I am going to give this to one of you, but first, let me do this. He proceeded to crumble and screw the note up into a ball. He then asked who still wants it. The hands stayed up. Well, he replied. What if I do this? He dropped it on the floor and ground the note into the floor with his shoe. He then picked up the dirty screwed up note. Who still wants it now? The hands remained raised. My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the $20 not, it did not decrease in value. It is still worth $20.
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, trodden on, bullied, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as if we are worthless. But no matter what happened, or what will happen, you will never lose your value: clean, dirty, crumbled, or finely creased. You are still priceless to those who love you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but who we are!
You are special. Don’t ever forget it. Count your blessings, not your problems. Never be afraid to try something new.
Some proverbs by authors unknown
-Remember that amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
-If it’s to be, it’s up to me. Therefore if it’s up to me, it’s to be!
-You can’t jump a chasm in 2 jumps!
Believe in yourself. You have to live with yourself for a long time so better to believe than admit defeat.
-Whatever the mind can believe and perceive, it can achieve.
-A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
-The only time you fail is when you refuse to get up again.
-Be grateful for problems. It means you are alive!
Make a list of your goals and prioritise them. Then focus on them one at a time. More is achieved by doing things this way than by spreading yourself too thin.
Thirteen Ways to Increase Your Self-Esteem BUILD CONFIDENCE
Confidence stays on the inside and builds from there. So whenever you want to accomplish something, picture yourself already there. See yourself successful and make it real in your mind. Close your eyes and fill in all the details–how it would feel, how you would behave, how others would behave in response. Then put what you see into action. As you think, so you are.
REACH OUT TO OTHERS
Say nice things to other people. Make a list of the things you would like and appreciate in others. Lend a helping hand when you can. By helping others, we feel more in control of our own lives.
AVOID PERFECTIONISM
Perfectionism paralyses you and keeps you from accomplishing your goals.
TAKE CARE OF YOUR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE
Your physical appearance is a critical factor in your self-esteem. Resist the urge to get sloppy on days when you feel bad. In fact, those are the days when you should take extra care to look your best.
GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR OWN CREATIVE ENERGY
Get regular exercise; when you can use your body effectively, you feel more in control. Listen to music, commune with nature, meditate. As you do these things, let thoughts come and go. Daydream and centre yourself. What were your passions as a child? What do you fantasize about now?
RESPECT YOURSELF
List 50 reasons why you can respect yourself. If you get stuck, think of people who admire you or have admired you, and write down what they would say about you.
LOOK FOR A SILVER LINING
When you’re going through tough times, find a strength or piece of knowledge (knowledge is power, you know) that you would not otherwise have, were it not this particular trauma.
ACT IN ACCORDANCE WITH YOUR OWN VALUES
Sometimes values conflict. In that case, practice role playing with a friend and explore the various consequences of each action. Then choose what feels best for you.
BE GOOD TO YOURSELF ON A DAILY BASIS
Do something that makes you feel good–something that’s just for you… every day!.
CHALLENGE YOURSELF
Take a course. travel to a new place–it’s easier to try out new facets of your personality when you are away from the familiar. As you meet new challenges, you gain new confidence and enhance your sense of accomplishment.
PRACTICE OPTIMISM
Dispute your pessimistic beliefs. Think of misfortunes as temporary and specific instead of permanent and general. For example, “All managers are jerks” is permanent and pervasive, a view that can lead to feeling hopeless about a particular problem you’ve encountered. “He was in a bad mood this morning” is an explanation that takes the temporary/specific viewpoint. It allows hope for improvement.
DON’T TAKE THINGS SO PERSONALLY
When somebody behaves in a manner that you find rude or abrasive, that tells you something about that person and how he or she is feeling at the moment. Try to see the pain or fear the other person is experiencing and tackle it from that perspective.
DON’T TAKE THINGS SO SERIOUSLY
See the humorous side of life’s everyday calamities. When you can see both the serious and humorous side of a given situation, your perspective and your approach will be more balanced. So lighten up. You’ll bounce back from disappointments and embarrassing moments more quickly, and more people will like you better, too.
Practice these positive measures to reinforce your own belief in your self worth and increase your self-esteem. Then you’ll have the master key to your own success.
Laurence Pollwade
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